While I was there I experienced a lot of things, felt a lot of emotions and thought a lot of thoughts but something really was amiss. For me, this wasn't the best SWAT trip I've had. Maybe my heart or mind was in the wrong place. There is a lot going on within me that I've been thinking about. I have a lot I need to give to God still.
There's so much that I want to do, so much I want to become. What do I want to become? Just a man of God and anything else secondary will do. I tend to be critical of a lot of things, especially myself. I pick myself apart and see that I don't know enough scripture, I'm not well versed enough. I don't generally know generic facts that I believe I should know being where I am in my walk. I understand I'm not perfect but I want to continually strive to be better. I'm reminded of Philippians 3:12-13
"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead."There's things about me that I'm not content with that I need to change. Lord, conform me to your son's image.